I am Maddox, a computer programmer, writer and author. I can spell, draw, and do math better than your kids, so I've taken the liberty to judge work done by children. I'll be assigning a grade of A through F for each piece:
Ben, age 7
Tragedy struck the penis kingdom on this day. Curiously, the giant penis is cut, yet the man below is dead. Perhaps he can no more bear the sight of a chopped penis than I can, and he'd rather kill himself than allow three maidens stand idly by, shag-free and cocklessly sullen.

I don't know what the fuck you were going for here.

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