"And on the Sixth Day, God took a break and didn't feel like making anything. Out of sheer boredom and apathy, he said, 'Let there be Seamus.' And there was Seamus, the pointy-headed, lumpy, stick-armed mess. 'Good enough,' God said, and called it a day."

Caption Contest Winner:

I can only assume the idiom you were asked to illustrate was, "Sarah Jessica Parker eaten with bowling pins will give you nightmares."
-Jessica Claire Avilla

Honorable Mention:

Just another day on a ranch in Canada, because you know, some Canadians own ranches.
-Goran Kane Jack Kragolnik

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Congratulations to Jessica, she will be receiving a signed copy of "Crappy Children's Art:"

I think this was intentionally submitted to me rotated 90 degrees counter-clockwise. If it wasn't, this is an F+ dong (pointy base withstanding). Rotated the correct way, it's an F- candle. I'll split the difference.

I'm definitely sure this doesn't qualify as art. What I'm not so sure about is whether this jumbled collection of paint, smears and lines even qualifies as garbage.

I'm embarrassed for you.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for THE IMARIKIn FAG."

Gives new meaning to the line about the red bursting rockets in our national anthem. Yeah, spangle all over that banner. You like that?

What evolutionary purpose would stripes have on a creature that has the body of a water buffalo, dipshit? Stripes serve to camouflage animals that prowl in grassy fields. And why does it have three giant inline claws, and then one random claw jutting off the back of it's feet? And why does it only have two legs and no eyes?

This is stupid of a higher-order.

Happy Bithday mom!

Here are a bunch of random cocks, a star and a heart on a stand. Hope you like it.

Love, Evan

This is a world where the sun is literally an obstacle to those who jump off this diving board. Either someone built a diving board for birds in the middle of the ocean, or the birds built it themselves without the benefit of opposable thumbs.

Either way, it's a real shit brick of a concept, Kyra.

It's like you lifted this right from Brahm Stoker's mind and put it down on paper. Who could forget this classic scene, where Van Helsing brandishes a fountain pen against Dracula, and the Count flashes a toothy smile and says, "No!" to Van Helsing's "Yes..."?

A gripping debate where nothing's at stake and everybody talks directly into the camera.

Why is God shorter than you? And why is he wearing a cabbie hat? Why are there so many fucking hearts everywhere?

The creator of the universe has better things to do than to listen another shitty "hot cross buns" performance on a recorder. You're 5. Get over yourself, bitch!