I can spell, draw, and do math better than your kids, so I've taken the liberty to judge work done by children. New updates every week.
Brian, age 11
The Internet isn't a person.

Also, why did you decorate this with ribbons and stars?

And, you're 11, why does this report look like it has 7 pages to it? You haven't experienced enough life to write 7 pages of anything. Apparently you haven't experienced enough life to write even 1.

Dietrich, age 15
This isn't an adolescent's drawing, so much as it is a call-to-arms. If this crude sketch is a harbinger of the future, it's imperative that we, as a nation, do everything in our power to make sure NUDE GINGRICH isn't elected!

I for one don't want to live in a country ravaged by a cycloptic, post-nuclear Steve Buscemi wielding daggers.

Poor form, Dietrich. Even the sun looks unamused. This started sucking the second you put pen to paper and never stopped.

Carl, age 10
Ah yes, a classic turkey recipe. Let's see:

-Buy a 5-pound turkey for $4? Check.

-Pick it up with your hands? Check.

-Set the oven for 4 degrees and cook it for 6 minutes or until it looks a little pink? Check.

-Remove from the oven and serve with chicken? Check.

Looks like you've covered all your bases Carl. You have a bright future ahead of you, in the form of hospital lights as you lie on your back and get your stomach pumped clean of salmonella.

Tylar, age 12
It's inconceivable why anyone would come across a path in the woods, and just when the clearing is in view, plop down his easel and paint the scene with 5 leaning trees in the way.

5 measly trees. You could just step around them and paint the scene in full. Or you could just imagine them not there, and paint the rest of the scene. But no, you decided that this was "it." This was the perspective you wanted, and you painted those impossibly leaning trees in a part of the forest that was apparently ravaged by hurricane-strength gale winds and/or loose soil.

This is frustrating enough to induce balding.

Steven, age 10
Your dad looks like Colonel Troutman from Rambo with dagger nipples and hairy balls. Son?

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