A note from the Author:

I have to get this off my chest: don't buy the Kindle version of my book. It sucks. I actually make more money on Kindle versions (almost double), but I can't endorse a shitty product. I had nothing to do with the e-version. Even though I make less per book, I'd rather you have something that kicks ass than more money in my pocket. Get the real thing if you're going to get it at all, and get bent if you don't. Thanks!

-Maddox

I'd be a hypocrite to give you anything less than an F+, even though you used "puppies" as a verb, because it reminds me of one of my favorite pieces from the Internet:

Maybe you should stick to using the words on your vocabulary list, Jason. Don't mistake the "Great Going" for approval, it was probably only used because "Tourettes" stickers don't exist. Oh well. Now it is time to cunt.

I'm conflicted because on one hand, these scissors are definitely child-proof. On the other hand, these scissors are definitely a penis. I'm not sure which I'd rather be poked in the eye with.

"Favorite food? I love so many, but probably pasta. And my favorite color? Monsters. Definitely monsters." Saying that on a first date is a great way to make sure you never get a second date.