I can spell, draw, and do math better than your kids, so I've taken the liberty to judge work done by children. New updates every week.
Ava, age 8
Let's see... you have:

-North Amrca
-Aritc Oshin
-Indin Oshin
-Aretik Oshin
-Seth Amrca and Pasific Oshin

And you didn't get a single one correct. That's 0/10. This is the most solid and justifiable     I've ever given.

Waiting to buy the hardcover of "I am better than your kids"? Not sure if you have the mental fortitude, richness in character or wisdom to buy my critical masterpiece? Well you're gonna be shit out of luck, because the paperback version is coming out Tuesday, November 20th with a new title and a new cover. Why? Fuck if I know, but it's awesome. Now you get to see the face of underachievement. If you already own two or more copies of it in hardcover and want another copy in paperback just to lord over your less fortunate friends and family, or just prefer the flipability1 of a paperback, then this is for you. Also, it's cheaper:

To kick things off, I'm going to hold a number of caption contests, the winner of which will get a signed & personalized copy of the new book, plus a signed "book plate" which is just a huge sticker of me flipping you off. I'm being totally impartial when I say it's boss.

1. Not a word

Caption contest:

Simply write your caption in the comments section below, and the comment with the most "likes" by Friday, November 16th [UPDATE: This caption contest is over, stay tuned for others] will most likely win—though I will have final say, because sometimes you idiots like things that are stupid and I might think another caption fits better. So even if you don't think you can win, I'll still personally read all the captions to choose one.

Evan, age 7
Happy Bithday mom!

Here are a bunch of random cocks, a star and a heart on a stand. Hope you like it.

Love, Evan

Jerremiah, age 7
What evolutionary purpose would stripes have on a creature that has the body of a water buffalo, dipshit? Stripes serve to camouflage animals that prowl in grassy fields. And why does it have three giant inline claws, and then one random claw jutting off the back of it's feet? And why does it only have two legs and no eyes?

This is stupid of a higher-order.

Alex, age 6
There are only 4 possible words in the English language you could have been trying to write: "duck, deck, dock" and "dick." Being that dock and deck are generally outside the vocabulary of a 6-year-old, we can narrow the correct word down to "duck." Way off, dumbass.

Here's an easy way to remember the difference: a duck migrates down south when it's cold. A dick migrates down south when it's hot. This should be hanging in every pre-school in the world.


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