I can spell, draw, and do math better than your kids, so I've taken the liberty to judge work done by children. New updates every week.
Laila, age 5
I think this was intentionally submitted to me rotated 90 degrees counter-clockwise. If it wasn't, this is an F+ dong (pointy base withstanding). Rotated the correct way, it's an F- candle. I'll split the difference.
Saul, age 5
Caption Contest Winner:

There aren't many things that could make a dad wish he wouldn't live to see his next birthday, but this is one of them.
-William Bermudez

Honorable mentions:

Upon receiving this gift, what more could Saul's dad have wanted on this auspicious "Bers day?" A vasectomy 5 years ago. -Rhys Mucik

Boners Day is a sacred holiday, and you have ruined it by misspelling boners.
-Area Man

It's a dick on a dick: dickception. -Andrew Steven Hodge

Congratulations to William, he will be receiving a signed copy of "Crappy Children's Art:"
Carson, age 6
Feeling cocky, Carson?
Lucas, age 9
Caption Contest Winner:

Taking the "black people can't swim" stereotype to a whole new level. In your world, Lucas, apparently black people are dismembered when they enter water only to float down to the lowest depths of the ocean only to have their heads melted by sea-floor volcanoes and their torsos torn to shreds by the one shark that will ever manage to survive at that depth. Stop making up biological facts just to help your stereotyping you racist fuck.
-Kilian Korth

Congratulations to Kilian, he will be receiving a signed copy of "Crappy Children's Art:"
Vaughn, age 8
Caption Contest Winner:

I can only assume the idiom you were asked to illustrate was, "Sarah Jessica Parker eaten with bowling pins will give you nightmares."
-Jessica Claire Avilla

Honorable Mention:

Just another day on a ranch in Canada, because you know, some Canadians own ranches.
-Goran Kane Jack Kragolnik

Congratulations to Jessica, she will be receiving a signed copy of "Crappy Children's Art:"

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