Looks like an unseen third party gave both of you a golden shower, then your mom knocked you the fuck out! Everything about this is horrible.

Hang in there, Chris.

Aww, who's a good dong? You are! Yes you are! Fleas may not be as much of a concern as crabs for this guy.

Wooo wooo! Here comes the rape train! All aboard, next stop: Painal.

It's like you lifted this right from Brahm Stoker's mind and put it down on paper. Who could forget this classic scene, where Van Helsing brandishes a fountain pen against Dracula, and the Count flashes a toothy smile and says, "No!" to Van Helsing's "Yes..."?

A gripping debate where nothing's at stake and everybody talks directly into the camera.